Moderation

No, this is not a character trait.

I decided to make this blog public and allow anyone to make comments in order to allow my friends to participate without joining Google. Because I knew that strangers would also be able to comment I elected to view all comments before they are posted. (I.e., I chose to moderate the comments.)

Over the weekend I received some comments from strangers. They weren't offensive at all -- that's not the issue. They were, however, left anonymously.

I've decided not to publish comments from strangers. If someone who knows me stumbles across this blog and identifies herself, great!

I will still see every comment. They just won't be added to the blog.

Temperance

And, no, this has nothing to do with alcohol!

I've known for a very long time that intemperance is my biggest weakness. Well, one of the top three.

Whatever I do, I do completely, then I stop. Completely.

When I read, I read not a chapter but a book. It is almost impossible for me to put a book down before I finish. I've been known to read 1000 page trilogies in one sitting. If a novel is part of a series I tend to read those back-to-back, as well.

When I worked as a software developer this was an asset. When I was troubleshooting I would stick with a problem until either I solved it, or I identified the cause in enough detail for someone else to recreate the problem and fix it.

In life, in general, intemperance is not an asset, as I was reminded while listening to Alma's instructions to Shiblon.

It doesn't mix too well with leukemia, either. When I'm engaged in something, whether housework, running errands or reading, I want to finish a block of work. I want to do all my errands to the east, for example, or in Phoenix. I want to finish the dishes, or the dusting, or cleaning the bathroom.

Then I spend the next day -- or more -- in bed.

Why?

I just noticed the following entry from mid-February on my other blog. It's copied from a reply I posted for another member of Spark People. It's worth repeating:

Why lose weight? You're absolutely right. There is no reason to lose weight -- after all, it's just an abstract number on a scale. Instead, why don't you choose life, health, abundance?

I choose healthy foods because I want the strength and energy to live each of my days. I choose life because I value my friends and loved ones and want to spend as much time as possible with them. I choose both health and life because I have been blessed by the love and service of others and wish to be able to pass it on.
If you focus on lifestyle choices that support health and life you will be enriched, and one day you'll discover that the weight has taken care of itself.

Now, I just have to remember this myself!

Watchful waiting is looking better and better

My sister reminded me yesterday that someone she knew chose to seek treatment in Eastern Europe when he learned he had cancer, "because they do not use chemo and kill the cells, they build up your immune system so it can fight off the cancer itself."

While talking with her about this I was reminded that I decided years ago that, should I ever face cancer, my first choice for treatment would be Cancer Treatment Centers of America, due to their commitment to integrative care.

Seeking medical treatment beyond what is available through my HMO is not an option right now, but that doesn't meant I can't benefit from a more comprehensive approach.

Most of the "treatment modalities" employed in an integrative approach to cancer are available without a prescription, and many of them are within my control at home. That is the foundation of my desire for a Spring, or healing, room, although I had not articulated the source when I began planning it.

My oncologist's decision to start with "watchful waiting" gives me an opportunity to build a program / lifestyle which supports wellness and my body's ability to fight the cancer itself. The more successful I am the longer we can delay chemo.

Epigenetics could be very relevant...

I happened across a PBS broadcast last night that seemed timely.

Nova Science Now had a segment on epigenetics. I missed the beginning, but apparently there are chemical messengers that act as the "operating system" to our DNA's "hardware." Environmental factors can have a significant, lasting impact on those messengers, with the effects showing up even in future generations.

I want to watch the segment again -- it's available at the link below, possibly only through July.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sciencenow/3411/02.html

Going public...

I think I'm ready to take this blog public. My thanks to those who have been experimenting with it for the last few days to help me work out the wrinkles.

About comments: Comments on individual posts may now be left by anyone. You do not need a Google account, or need to join this discussion. Comments are moderated, however, so they will not appear in the blog until I've reviewed them. I'm not worried that anyone I invite would say something inappropriate. The tradeoff for not making all of you join Google was that my blog is now open to the world. It's those others I'm concerned about.

Timeline update

I heard from the doctor's office today. The CT scan is scheduled for Aug. 2. I'm very happy that check-in is at 1pm instead of 9am, since I have to drive to downtown Phoenix.

Dr. Saeed asked me to see her a week after the scan, to review the results and decide on treatment. That visit can't be before Aug. 9, now.

Watchful Waiting

My sister doesn't think much of "watchful waiting" as a treatment for cancer. Or rather, as a non-treatment for cancer, which is her point.

The form of cancer that I have, chronic lymphocytic leukemia, can be treated, but, at this time, not cured. I plan to live with it for a long time. The doctor explained that I have a fairly mild form of the disease, and she'd rather save the treatments that are available for when I need them more.

That's in addition to the fact that the available treatment is chemotherapy. Chemo is hard on the healthy cells as well as the defective ones. Do I really want to go through chemo in order to avoid needing a nap every day? Uhh, no.

That does not mean, however, that we're doing nothing.

The better able my immune system is to fight the cancer cells the longer we'll be able to postpone treatment. Also, the excess lymphocytes are defective, and don't fight infection very well. I therefore need to:

• avoid potential sources of infection.
• avoid anything with the potential to weaken my immune system.
• do everything I can to strengthen my immune system.

There's actually quite a lot that can be done to strengthen my immune system. I'll explore that in another post.

Also, Traditional Chinese Medicine considers leukemia to be a result of unresolved resentment. Western medicine might not put it in those terms, but there is increasing recognition that there is a strong relationship between mental and physical health, that runs both ways. Depression, in particular, has repeatedly been shown to suppress the immune system.

There are a couple of issues that I've been avoiding dealing with. They are difficult to the point of being traumatic. They have been a source of serious, ongoing, stress, one for more than two years. Apparently, it's time to do something about them.

When to expect more news

I thought I'd clarify the timeline.

On Wednesday the doctor asked me to see her one week after completing the tests she requested. They were scheduled for this Friday, July 27, so I planned to see her Aug. 3.

On Thursday she cancelled those tests and ordered a CT scan. That is not yet scheduled.

Bottom line: I don't expect to see her before Aug. 3, and it may be later than that.

WIP

I'm using this post to store this photo until I figure out how to add it to my profile.

BTW, I chose the template that seemed to have the best layout for my needs. I didn't like the color scheme or type face. I've edited the template, but haven't found all the code I need to change.

Leukemia is inconvenient

Leukemia is inconvenient. And I'm not even that sick, yet.

It's more important than ever to eat well, but I have no appetite. Most of the time I don't feel like eating, much less cooking or cleaning up. Then I get too hungry, and drink my calories instead of eating them. Sometimes Kool ade(sp?), or a Sonic Cherry Limeade, are all that sound good.

And my body thermostat's not working. And I get night sweats.

In this context I've decided that some purchases that would previously have been indulgences are now appropriate to support my wellness efforts.

I've purchased a second mattress pad, so that when I have night sweats I don't have to strip the bed down to the vinyl, wash the pad, wash the vinyl, dry them both and remake the bed before I can lie down again.

For the same reason I'm considering buying another nightgown. (100% cotton!)

I'm creating a Spring room / healing room. I've already replaced the light bulbs with full spectrum bulbs, and it changed the tone of the room completely. I'm aggressively decluttering, although in the short term things seem worse instead of better. I want to purchase a tabletop fountain, both for the sound of rain and to increase the humidity. I've acquired a plush, comfy, ladies-sized recliner and moved it to that room.

I'm trying to determine what I can do to facilitate eating better. I found a screaming good deal on a George Foreman-type grill, with removable, dishwasher-safe grids. I haven't taken it out of the box, though, because I may return it. I'm not sure it will provide the most improvement for the money spent. I'd like to get a bigger rice cooker, so that I can make one pot meals instead of just plain rice. While I'm at it I'd like one with a delayed-start feature. And a porridge cycle. My friends at ricecookerrecipes@yahoo.com love the results they get with their whole grain hot cereal.

I'd like to get another fan. My previous apartment in this complex had three ceiling fans in four rooms; it simply didn't occur to me to check for them when I viewed this apartment. It has just one, and I don't spend that much time at the dining table! I have two table fans, plus one small clip-on fan dedicated to keeping my laptop happy. I would like a fan in the Spring room without dragging it back and forth from the bedroom.

Google, which hosts blogger.com, as a wishlist facility. So I created one. It's on my profile.

Change in plans

The plan has already changed. My doctor called me this afternoon.

She changed her mind about the additional tests she wants done. The ultrasound and chest x-ray are off; instead, I'll have a CT scan. That will allow her to check the lymph nodes deep in my trunk.

She was going to start the authorization / scheduling process after talking with me. I don't know if I'll be able to have the test next week or if I'll have to wait until the following week.

She has most of the results back from the blood tests yesterday. It seemed a little incongruous to hear, "I have your results. Everything looks fine" from the doctor who told me 24 hours earlier that I have leukemia!

First visit with the hematologist / oncologist

I saw the hematologist / oncologist today for the first time. I really like her, and have complete confidence in her.

They drew blood as soon as I arrived. The white cell count is worse, but I'm no longer anemic.

Based on my lab work the doctor is confident that this really is leukemia, not a reaction to one of the medications I take. My primary care physician was actually relieved to hear that. That medication protects my eyes and lungs from self-destruction due to an auto-immune disorder.

As I anticipated, today's visit marked the beginning of more tests. In addition to the blood they drew today I have two tests scheduled next week. I'll see the doctor at the end of the following week to review the results and decide on a course of action.

Unless the tests reveal surprises, her recommendation at this time is "watchful waiting." I would have regular blood tests and office visits. We wouldn't start active treatment unless / until the blood tests get much worse, the lymph node involvement gets worse, or the symptoms become "troublesome" to me. I'm finding it inconvenient to need a nap every day, but chemo is pretty inconvenient, too.

The form of leukemia that I (probably) have, chronic lymphocytic leukemia, can be managed but not cured. People have lived with it for more than 30 years, however, so I'm not really worried. All in all, it was a very positive visit, and I'm feeling very optimistic.

I'm tired today

I'm tired today. And yesterday, and Tuesday. I can tell that my health is getting worse. The swollen lymph nodes are now like a string of pearls from my collarbone almost to my ear. The defective white cells were already 80% of my blood count a month ago; the good white cells are supposed to make up only 14% to 46%. I see the hematologist next Wednesday, but that may just mean the beginning of more tests, rather than actual treatment.

Joseph in Egypt and Independence Day

Joseph's brothers sold him into Egypt. They were jealous and resentful of him. Some of them hated him and sought his life; exile and slavery were a compromise. They thought they were saving his life; in reality they were saving their own.

The Lord provided a way that Joseph might be put in a position of saving the lives of his father and brothers and kin in the coming famine.

What does this have to do with Independence Day?

The British aristocracy saw the colonies throughout the world as (?how to express this.) Even their own citizens there were treated with abuse and disdain. They were to fork over the raw materials, pay exhorbitant taxes and prices for finished goods and thank England for the privilege.

The North American colonists said, "No!" In doing so they, with the Lord's help, put themselves in a position to save the lives and lifestyles of the English generations later, over and over and over.