On the bright side, I'm not anemic.

I saw my oncologist today and, as usual, I already had a pretty good sense of my condition. I expected my numbers to be worse, I just didn't anticipate how much worse they would be. On the other hand, my platelets improved and I'm not anemic. Those are two of the measures used to stage CLL, so they do matter.

I'm still on a three month follow-up, to see whether I can reverse the trend through lifestyle management. If the numbers are still this bad in July then she would "want to look at other options." I.e., chemo.

The decision to continue watchful waiting, instead of starting more aggressive treatment, is due, in part, to the fact that I don't feel that bad. I'm tired, and I'm experiencing more swelling in my lymph nodes, but I'm not overtly sick. If that changes I need to see her right away.

She did, however, encourage me to go ahead with my trip to New York next month, even knowing the purpose of the visit. She thinks it will be good for me.

This morning, before my visit, I worked in my 2008 Leukemia album, which I just started yesterday, after completely changing my intended design. I also spent some time in my 2007 Annual album. I was reminded of how much I benefit when I work on my albums, especially journaling. I realized that I've been neglecting my gratitude album. That's an activity that costs nothing and really feeds my spirit.

I'm back! And two new sites....

I was reminded yesterday of a truth which tends to slip out of my awareness: after I have overextended myself, as I did at the end of March, I tend to become severely withdrawn, like a turtle that's been poked. The more drained I allow myself to become, the longer it takes to begin tentatively poking my head out, seeing whether it's safe to emerge.

But, I'm on my way back.

While I was holed up in my cave this month I actually got quite a bit done. With the help of a friend my laundry is current. My kitchen is clean, my personal albums have their own shelf and my product display is updated. I've set up an improved filing system for my mystery shopping reports and medical receipts, referrals, etc., which had overwhelmed my original system.

I've been decluttering and freecycling, with more pickups due tomorrow. With the laundry done I'm ready to begin a Closet Purge. (Missus Smarty Pants)

I even tackled the back bathroom. I didn't have the patience to wait three weeks to see whether the Automatic Shower Cleaner could actually deal with the crud that was left from the plumbing disaster; within a couple of days after cleaning out the shower and bathroom I was down on my hands and knees, scrubbing.

I've also been cooking more. I even resumed baking my own bread!

What I actually logged on to share, however, is that I finally have web sites up and running for my writing on two different topics.

Whole Foods for Health and This I Believe are both communities hosted on yuku.com. I chose that site because it is designed to support entire interactive communities, rather than simply blogging with comments. I can group the topics within each community into categories. I can specify differing levels of access for different groups of viewers.

Yuku used to be ezboard; when it was, it was easy. Once they migrated to Yuku, which was supposedly an improvement, I completely lost my ability to control the structure and appearance of my sites. I would check in every now and then, waste a lot of time trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, then give up and leave again. I really wanted to get the sites up and running, but it was like beating my head on a brick wall.

Now it works! I don't know whether they changed, or I changed, but now everything makes sense, I'm able to add, delete and move forums, control access, control the appearance...everything I expected to be able to do when I joined several years ago! There are still some features that I need to spend time mastering, but I know where the controls are, and where to seek help.

Whole Foods for Health is a site where I can share what I've learned about the relationship between diet and health, diet and illness, diet and premature death. I can gather the resources I find most useful, share my recipes and meal planning tips and solicit suggestions from others. It will be a single site to which I can refer people who ask my help. It will also be where I solicit feedback on the books I am writing and have outlined.

This I Believe was supposed to be called Works in Progress, but that URL was taken. It's a place for me to publish my talks, essays and other commentary related to my faith and beliefs. Some of this material has been in my head for decades, or on my various computers, notes tucked in my scriptures, lists in the back of my Bible,....

I believe that having a home for these writings will help me to take the time to get them out of my head and into the light of day.

I use a different username on yuku than I do on all my other social / blogging sites. You'll be able to find my sites by using these links; people who discover my writings on yuku will not necessarily find their way here.

What can I say? (Too little, too late...)

I missed the deadline by 95 minutes.

I struggled with formatting my application. I don't have pdf forms software, which would have allowed me to just add my answers to the existing document and save it as a new pdf. I had to print the application, figure out where to put my answers, create a document and mess with the positioning. Over and over and over. Then I had to print them onto copies of the form.

I finished at 11:52 MST on the last day of the application period. It was already 3:00 a.m. in D.C. I had scanned the pages, but I wanted to include additional information in an addendum, and I had already referred to it in the application. It was too late to just omit it.

It took me 90 minutes, some of it stupid formatting stuff. (MS Word can be so weird!)

I sent it off anyway, with a plea that it be considered in spite of being late.

We'll see.

I'm going to bed. A friend will be here in eight hours to help with heavy housework.

Update, three minutes later: I received an auto-reply to my application email. It's hopeless. I was so focused on and so frustrated by creating the video and formatting the application that I missed a requirement.

In my defense, the application requirements are listed in three different places, and the list is different in each place. I complied with the requirements on page one of the application. There's an additional requirement in the list on page four, and yet another on the web site.

Since Thursday afternoon I have done little but work on this application. It's not entirely wasted; as I answered the questions and prepared an addendum I gained some insights, and I'm very happy with the way I expressed some things. When the class is offered again I can reuse the material.

But it won't be this year, and I was really looking forward to it, for many reasons.

Another update. I just can't leave this alone. I am so frustrated and disappointed. My original plan had been to shoot the video on Friday. I realized that I couldn't be ready, so we rescheduled to Monday. I hoped to submit my application on Monday, but knew that I still had Tuesday as a backup plan. We shot the video, and it took me hours to discover that it was unusable, and we had to start over. If I had been able to use Monday's video I would have been able to spend Tuesday on the application, taking my time, reading the requirements, letting it rest and reviewing it with fresh eyes. Instead I have spent the last eighteen hours trying to avert a disaster. Unsuccessfully.

Success! Cooking Demo Video

My thanks to all of you who contributed to the success of this project! I could not have done it without you.

My latest video ran 9:18. I forgot some material that I wanted to include, but it's probably just as well, because I squeaked in under the length limit. Because I can't watch video on my computer, and I couldn't figure out the playback controls on my friend's camera, I had to upload it blind. It took about an hour for the upload and subsequent processing.

But it's there and it works. Now I can relax.

Not too long. I've written my answers to the application questions on a copy, but I haven't formatted them so that I can print them instead of handwriting them.

Still, this is a huge relief!