I don't think we're in Kansas. Or New York.

I was supposed to be in New York today. Instead, I'm in Arizona. Bummer!

I've joked in the past about being able to prepare for a trip, or take the trip, but not both. This time it was true.

By the time I finished the laundry and running around, I crashed. I hadn't started packing when I should already have been at the airport. I could have still done it, but I questioned the wisdom. If I couldn't manage to put four days worth of clothes in a suitcase, what was I doing starting a 12 hour trip? (I do laundry at my sister's, and I left several important pieces there last time, some on purpose, some not.)

I started folding clothes, called my sister on the speakerphone and asked if she was okay with postponing the trip for a week. I'm really disappointed. Really! I'm also discouraged.

And, honestly? Today has been my worst day since my diagnosis. I'm tired, and weary, and concerned about the project my sister and I are pursuing. If I had been planning to get sicker, faster, I would have spent more energy putting the apartment back together. Of course, if I'd been able to do that, I wouldn't have needed to postpone the trip.

As it is, the only parts of my apartment that are fully functional are my bed, my bathroom and my computer corner. The stereo/DVD/TV are all the way I want them, but the recliner is on the verge of giving up. I can't keep one of the bolts in, so the seat is no longer level.

On the bright side? I'm making progress using my digital scrapping tools. And Fresh & Easy opened just four blocks from me. They have lovely, fresh food, both ready-to-use produce and prepared meals. Their hummus tastes better than mine and uses no olive oil or salt.

Things would look much better if I could just get enough sleep!

About that neutropenic diet...

Yuck!

How can anyone consider a diet that prohibits all raw produce except bananas and oranges healthy???

Four months without romaine? Carrots? Parsley? Greek salad? Fruit smoothies?

neutropenic diet link

Well, that list adds grapefruit and melon, but bans salad bars for one year. No more Sweet Tomatoes?

By the way...it turns out that there is no evidence that this diet is necessary, just so-called common sense and institutional practice. (If your boss prescribes a neutropenic diet....)

Really good visit with my oncologist yesteday

Hi!

I had a really good visit with my oncologist today. No, really!

No...the leukemia isn't better, it's worse. Again. But my doctor and I had a good discussion about treatment options, and we're on the same page.

I went to the appointment prepared to defend my decision to refuse chemo at this time. When my White Blood Cell count hit 36 in April she told me that if it didn't come down by July we would need to consider "more aggresive treatment." By July it had gone up an additional 35%. We discussed chemo protocols. We agreed that the number was inflated by a raging sinus infection and the stress of my apartment remodel ten days earlier. I was to return in four to six weeks...today. (Thursday)

I expected the numbers to have dropped only slightly, if at all. On the other hand, I feel good, better than I have some times when my numbers looked better. My energy has been better, my mental health has been better. I'm starting to reclaim my life after having my apartment gutted. I actually made a cake from scratch on Labor Day!

Even so, half of my apartment is still unusable. I don't feel much like starting four months of nausea and semi-quarantine-- plus a neutropenic diet -- with half my kitchen stuff in boxes and my dining table upside down in my office.

Above all, I'm not done helping my sister in New York. As long as I feel well enough, and she feels that I'm helping, I will be there until the project is done.

So I went prepared. It wasn't necessary. My WBC count was up another 10%. The discernibly swollen lymph nodes have increased in number, size and number of sites. That is probably why I'm unable to eat much at one time.

But...I still feel good. She told me today that as long as I feel good she'd rather not start treatment, that I'll know when it's time.

All in all, a very good visit.

I thank you for your prayers. I know they make a difference.

Note: This is good news, people! I posted this on another site, and everyone seems to be responding as if it were bad news. I'm happy with this result...my doctor and I are in agreement not to start chemo until I feel so bad that chemo seems like an improvement!

And, about the apartment... My friend has tried, several times, to come put the furniture back. Once she was called in to work. Once both our days went haywire. Once I knew that I needed sleep more than I needed my furniture put back. Yesterday I realized that I needed to spend my energy on things that were more urgent, in order to be ready for my next trip.

And half the time I've been out of state.

It will get done.