Still whining...

Following the first chemo, in the hospital, I had about five days of feeling pretty good (other than needing a transfusion), then things started blowing up.

Since the second chemo I've been fighting this respiratory thing, and now new things are blowing up.

I'm due for a CBC today, Thursday. I expect to learn the results this afternoon or tomorrow.

I'm not sure how much sleep I'm going to get.

Whine

No one said it would be easy. (whine)

The fever broke about 9:30 Saturday night.

I've spent two days with a respiratory infection, not really sleeping, not really awake, trying to force clear liquids.

A friend came over, did damage control in the kitchen, made me Jello and will bring soup tomorrow.

I've decided that the anemia is not as bad as I thought it was on Friday. I may still get blood drawn on Monday instead of waiting for Thursday.

Marie: It wouldn't have been a lot different if you were here. Other than emptying the dishwasher, which is what kept me from putting the new dishes in the dishwasher, there's not much you could have done other than watch me sleep and worry about me.

As soon as I finish this batch of liquids it's back to bed.

Roller coaster...

I didn't fully appreciate the extent of the ups and downs I would experience after chemo.

I'm tired. I'm cold. I can't think clearly. I hurt in places I didn't in the hospital.

I'm back to having trouble putting a balanced meal on the table and cleaning up.

Lunch is over; back to bed.

Happy New Year. Or not....

I just woke up. The coupons I'm using to order the digital photo albums expire at 10pm Central Time. There are thousands of them expiring, so the traffic will be heavy. I'm not ready; I still need to make one recipe.

I needed the sleep. I'm in a much better mood. But I'm going to miss the New Year's Eve party tonight.

So I'm sitting in front of my patio door, at my temporary work table. I have my laptop, a cold drink, my 11" fiber optic Christmas tree. I have Handel on the stereo, with Mannheim Steamroller loaded behind it.

What do I do with two bags of Doritos?

Any more good news?

Sorry. I'm tired, I can't sleep, I'm cranky and more than usually sarcastic.

While searching unsuccessfully for something that I need today I found the installation CDs for my scanner and laser printer. This was really exciting, because my ongoing infrastructure problems are a major source of stress, and they are really hampering my efforts to put my life and my home in order.

I eagerly sat down to install the printer to the new computer, and learned why I was unable to install it using the drivers I downloaded from the Internet. It won't run under Windows XP.

Ok. I have an eight year old computer that is thoroughly corrupted but might talk to my laser printer if I reinstall it. It talks to the Internet, but won't run Java or my security software. I have a new computer that talks to the internet, but not to my printer. I have a wi-fi card, which gives me a blazingly fast connection, but only at the airport, and installing the router is what corrupted the old computer.

And since installing my new six-button mouse on the new computer the touchpad has become manic. It skitters all over the window and clicks on things I don't want.

Also during the search I thoroughly broke the lamp that had only been sort of broken. I now have pieces of the shade and a CFL bulb scattered around the office.

And the cookbook, which must be uploaded before I can go out this evening, isn't even close to being done.

And I never did find what I was looking for.

This, too, shall pass.

I don't think we're in Kansas. Or New York.

I was supposed to be in New York today. Instead, I'm in Arizona. Bummer!

I've joked in the past about being able to prepare for a trip, or take the trip, but not both. This time it was true.

By the time I finished the laundry and running around, I crashed. I hadn't started packing when I should already have been at the airport. I could have still done it, but I questioned the wisdom. If I couldn't manage to put four days worth of clothes in a suitcase, what was I doing starting a 12 hour trip? (I do laundry at my sister's, and I left several important pieces there last time, some on purpose, some not.)

I started folding clothes, called my sister on the speakerphone and asked if she was okay with postponing the trip for a week. I'm really disappointed. Really! I'm also discouraged.

And, honestly? Today has been my worst day since my diagnosis. I'm tired, and weary, and concerned about the project my sister and I are pursuing. If I had been planning to get sicker, faster, I would have spent more energy putting the apartment back together. Of course, if I'd been able to do that, I wouldn't have needed to postpone the trip.

As it is, the only parts of my apartment that are fully functional are my bed, my bathroom and my computer corner. The stereo/DVD/TV are all the way I want them, but the recliner is on the verge of giving up. I can't keep one of the bolts in, so the seat is no longer level.

On the bright side? I'm making progress using my digital scrapping tools. And Fresh & Easy opened just four blocks from me. They have lovely, fresh food, both ready-to-use produce and prepared meals. Their hummus tastes better than mine and uses no olive oil or salt.

Things would look much better if I could just get enough sleep!