Happy New Year. Or not....

I just woke up. The coupons I'm using to order the digital photo albums expire at 10pm Central Time. There are thousands of them expiring, so the traffic will be heavy. I'm not ready; I still need to make one recipe.

I needed the sleep. I'm in a much better mood. But I'm going to miss the New Year's Eve party tonight.

So I'm sitting in front of my patio door, at my temporary work table. I have my laptop, a cold drink, my 11" fiber optic Christmas tree. I have Handel on the stereo, with Mannheim Steamroller loaded behind it.

What do I do with two bags of Doritos?

Any more good news?

Sorry. I'm tired, I can't sleep, I'm cranky and more than usually sarcastic.

While searching unsuccessfully for something that I need today I found the installation CDs for my scanner and laser printer. This was really exciting, because my ongoing infrastructure problems are a major source of stress, and they are really hampering my efforts to put my life and my home in order.

I eagerly sat down to install the printer to the new computer, and learned why I was unable to install it using the drivers I downloaded from the Internet. It won't run under Windows XP.

Ok. I have an eight year old computer that is thoroughly corrupted but might talk to my laser printer if I reinstall it. It talks to the Internet, but won't run Java or my security software. I have a new computer that talks to the internet, but not to my printer. I have a wi-fi card, which gives me a blazingly fast connection, but only at the airport, and installing the router is what corrupted the old computer.

And since installing my new six-button mouse on the new computer the touchpad has become manic. It skitters all over the window and clicks on things I don't want.

Also during the search I thoroughly broke the lamp that had only been sort of broken. I now have pieces of the shade and a CFL bulb scattered around the office.

And the cookbook, which must be uploaded before I can go out this evening, isn't even close to being done.

And I never did find what I was looking for.

This, too, shall pass.

100 is not always a perfect score.

I saw my oncologist this afternoon. After several months of accelerating increases in my white blood cell count, I was hoping that the increase had at least slowed, if it hadn't stopped.

Nope.

My WBC count is now 100. Actually, 100.9. I've also become anemic, which pushed me straight to Stage 3. (Do not pass Stage 2, do not collect $200.) And I have palpable nodes in a new area. The other staging system uses the number of areas as a criterion.

And because my WBC count is so high, if I should decide to have chemo, it would have to be inpatient instead of outpatient. The toxins released by 100K lymphocytes imploding will clog up my kidneys and wreak havoc with my electrolyte levels.

I reread some of the online reference material after I got home. My current stats qualify me as "high risk." My doctor seems to think there is a very real chance that I will wake up one morning feeling really, really bad.

But...she agreed: I'm still not doing permanent damage by waiting. And I'm still waiting.

Crockpot revisited

Maybe a new, smaller crockpot wasn't that indulgent.

After searching three stores for yellow split peas I tried a new recipe. Well, half a new recipe. Yes, I said yellow split peas.

Apparently Low is really High if you only fill one third of the crock.

True Confessions

I ordered another crockpot. It's already shipped.

Why is that a true confession? Because I already have three. And four pressure cookers. And a rice cooker. And money is extremely tight.

I'm working through the cookbook Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Recipes for Two. She recommends a 1.5 qt cooker for some things. (She suggests an oval, but I couldn't find one.)

I recognized that sometimes I don't eat well just because everything seems like a big deal. I wait too long, then it's too late to start. I'm working on a food plan -- no, it's really more of an approach, a philosophy -- along the lines of "small is more."

I think when most people think about cutting down effort in the kitchen we think of cooking big: once a month cooking, or make three/freeze two, or making a huge batch and freezing individual meals. That approach got me through grad school, but it's not working for me now, and I suspect I'm not the only one.

I happen to be sick and tired, but there are others who are simply busy, engaged in life.

Cooking big means buying big, prepping big, cleaning up big. I just don't have the energy. It also means having to eat a lot of whatever you make. Cooking small, however... I can peel one carrot, saute one onion, wash one pan. Then I can pop the crock in the dishwasher, eat leftovers for a day and start over.

I'm hoping that the smaller crock will be less of a mental obstacle, that instead of being put off by the thought of "dragging out the crockpot" I'll instead see it more along the lines of pulling a dish out of the cupboard.

So, I'm working towards a plan involving components from several schemes developed by others.

And the other tools I mentioned? I use all of my pressure cookers except the one that was my grandmother's. I keep that for sentimental reasons, but I use the second generation ones. I use my rice cooker, but the parts don't go in the dishwasher. I use my largest crockpot whenever I cook beans from scratch. I plan to experiment with the broth from scratch that I currently make in my largest pressure cooker. That gives me ingredients, though. I haven't been using the crockpots to put a healthy meal on the table.

Opa!

Although I really enjoy the food at My Big Fat Greek Restaurant, at the Chandler Fashion Square* mall, I hadn't been there in a long time -- so long, in fact, that I can't remember the last time I was there, before today.

A good friend's birthday was yesterday. I usually take her out for lunch. This year I asked if she'd like to try Greek. She agreed, with one caveat: she had received some money for her birthday and wanted to use that. My gift would be my company and knowledge of the food.

There are several local chains of Greek restaurants that I enjoy, however, and when I picked her up I still hadn't decided where to eat.

I chose MBFGR in Chandler -- in spite of the holiday traffic at the mall -- because they have the best avgolemono soup. I suggested that we start with that, then order a variety of appetizers. She agreed, and we began.

Oh. My.

Although my friend had misgivings about lemon soup, she tried it. (That was the only dish I really pushed.) I could tell from the look on her face after the first bite that she was glad she did.

The soup was served in a fairly standard sized cup, which gave no hint of what was in store for us. We had each ordered an appetizer to eat individually, due to differing tastes, then four additional appetizers to share. The birthday money gave us the freedom to explore.

Everything was outstanding. Simply amazing. She wasn't wow-ed by the dolmades, but I was. I've never had them in lemon sauce before. I knew I could indulge in only a small amount of tzatziki, but she loved it. We both really enjoyed the spanakopita, which is what I usually order.

By the time the server brought the bruschetta we were each comfortably full and the table was completely covered with dishes waiting to be boxed. We had to at least try it, however, to determine who got the leftovers. It, too, was wonderful. I've eaten bruschetta at two other restaurant chains. Each of the three is very different, but I enjoy them all.

We each brought home enough leftovers for at least two more meals.

Throughout the meal and on the drive home my friend could not stop talking about how much she enjoyed the food. That was her gift to me.

We talked, we laughed, we ate, we explored. It was a good day.

Note: while locating the hyperlink I read the reviews, and have to agree: the service at this chain is very uneven, ranging from outstanding to appalling. Today's was mixed, friendly but slow and forgetful. It took 15 minutes to get napkins and flatware.

* Yes, the location matters. I've eaten the soup at four different locations of MBFGR; the food is clearly superior at the Chandler Fashion Square location.

1492

No, not that 1492.

I filled my gas tank Thursday night for $14.92. 10.51 gallons @ $1.419/gallon

The last time I bought gasoline I paid $2.99 per gallon; the total was more than $30.

I really intended that to be the last time I bought gasoline this year. It was Halloween night. I usually try to buy gasoline once a month, whether I need it or not, but I was going to be out of town for most of November. I thought that would allow me to stretch the tank to two months.

It wasn't to be. Although...I still had a couple of gallons left. I could have tried....

Maybe I paid a higher price than I realized for those trips to Sky Harbor to use their free wi-fi.

Is this thing on?

I've been conspicuously absent from my blogs this year. From May 14 until November 19 I was traveling and having my apartment gutted. I've also been fighting extreme technical difficulties. For months I was only able to post to this blog when I was away from home, either at my sister's or at a wi-fi hotspot.

I'm now able to post. Can't print, but I can post. I will try to get back in the habit of using this blog.

Flo

I'm a jerk.

I finally figured it out...I'm a jerk. That's why I keep making messes at home.

The first one was superheated, sweetened milk, while making rice pudding. I got the stove, the floor, the wall. The counters, the sink. Everything in the sink, everything hanging on the wall. The pans on the stove, the food on the counter.

Next was Dr. Pepper, in the dining room. My side table, my recliner, my lapboard, the carpet. My scrapbooking supply cart, the mail, the receipts, the calendar.

Miracle whip, flour, cocoa.

The kitchen is cleaner than it's been in years, right down to taking the stove apart.

I'm a jerk...that's why I keep spilling things or knocking them over. I misjudge the distance to a container, or pick it up before I have a good grip on it.

eta*: coordination. That's the word I need. I'm having problems with coordination.

*eta = "edited to add"

No more produce baskets? Sigh.

I've recently realized that I may have to give up even trying to participate in Bountiful Baskets produce co-op.

For the six months that I was traveling the dates just didn't work out, except during July, when my kitchen was ripped out. When I returned in November I was eagerly looking forward to resuming my participation. I was bitterly disappointed to log on on Nov. 20 and discover that they had already sold out the capacity for that weekend's hostess supplement baskets.

By the following week I had begun to have a sense that I shouldn't participate, but no clear understanding of the reason. Now I know.

My primary goal right now is finding a "new normal," that combination of routines, activity, rest, eating, exercise, etc. that will allow me to be as productive as possible while managing my health and avoiding the crash-and-burn syndrome. I'm very much afraid that bringing home two laundry baskets of fresh produce contributes to the latter.

Former intro to this blog..

This is the intro I just replaced for this blog:

I had dabbled a bit with blogging prior to last summer, but my diagnosis
with leukemia led me to get serious. Blogging allows me to make information
available to those who care about me at their convenience.

I still blog on SparkPeople, so look for those posts in the left column.

Ta Da!

I'm posting this while sitting in my recliner at home. I finally have the blue (new to me) laptop talking to my Cox high speed Internet.

That will make it much easier for me to keep my blog up to date. For the last three months I've only been able to post away from home, using wi-fi either at my sister's condo or at the Phoenix airport.

I'll do some backtracking soon; for now I just wanted to let everyone know I'm back online.

Flo

Status update

Hi!

I'm back in Arizona, for at least a couple of months.

I've cleaned out the inbox on both my home and cell phones, so you can leave messages.

I'm having major technology challenges at home, and it's making me nuts. My old computer became corrupted when I tried to install a wi-fi router. It will no longer run Java, so I can't use most of my usual websites. I can't pay bills, I can't place or track CM orders, I can't update my blog, I can't use any formatting on my email or forum posts. My new to me laptop works fine, but won't talk to my high speed internet, so to get anything done I have to drive to a wi-fi hotspot.

My oncologist didn't like my latest lab report any more than she liked my previous ones, but didn't ask me to go see her.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!

Flo

[posted 12/17/08. Email to blog list while I was unable to post.]

I'm home!

Hi, all!

I'm home.
I plan to be here for at least a couple of months.
I'm safe.
I had an uneventful trip.
I found my cell phone. It had slid under the front seat of my car.

More later.
Flo

[posted 12/17/08. Email sent to (some of my) blog list while I was unable to post.]

Oops!

I knew I hadn't been here in a while, I just didn't realize how long!

I keep composing entries in my head, then never actually posting them.

I'll try to get them on "paper" this week.

Flo

Ahhh!

My recliner is no longer a trap.

I bought my recliner for $13 at a thrift store twelve years ago. It has served me well, but it has also seen better days. The vinyl is cracked and torn. The stuffing is dried and crumbly, and falls out through the cracks.

The biggest problem, however, is the effect of Arizona's climate on the wooden frame. The wood has dried and shrunk. Bolts started falling out several years ago. I was able to put them back a couple of times, but earlier this year they stopped staying in place.

I can't remember how long it had been since I was able to recline past the first position. This summer it got worse. The seat started listing, first to the left, then to the left and back. I began to worry that it would fold me in half and I wouldn't be able to get out.

In October friends came to help me replace some of the furniture that was moved for the remodel. I asked them to take a look at the recliner. Instead of just sticking the bolts back in their original holes, Wes drilled new holes. It was worth enduring his comments on the quality my drill.

My recliner works better than it has in years, and I'm able to recline all the way.

Woo Hoo! I love my portable external drive.

More later.

Ups and Downs

I've really been neglecting this blog!

The week after my last post I finally flew to New York. The following week I extended my stay by a week.

I've had good days and bad days. I've been more conscious of including the daily practices that helped me bring my numbers down in May. I'm still tired, and I'm having intermittent sinus and digestive problems. But enough of that!

I spent a lot of time with my great-nephew last Wednesday. He had left a homework project until the last day, so we worked on it together. He entered his narrative on my sister's computer while I found and cropped some photos on mine. He called his mom to ask her to find two particular photos and have them ready when he got home. I think it came out pretty well!

I've been spending more time in a particular sub-forum of Scrap Share. It's a smaller group, very close-knit, very supportive and caring. We've all be dealing with adversity of one kind or another, lately: job loss, illness, bereavement, moving. It's been really good for me.

It's raining in New York. Not only that...the temperature has dropped. It's 55F right now, at 11am. We call that winter!

I'm excited about a new computer tool, but I'll put that in its own post.

I don't think we're in Kansas. Or New York.

I was supposed to be in New York today. Instead, I'm in Arizona. Bummer!

I've joked in the past about being able to prepare for a trip, or take the trip, but not both. This time it was true.

By the time I finished the laundry and running around, I crashed. I hadn't started packing when I should already have been at the airport. I could have still done it, but I questioned the wisdom. If I couldn't manage to put four days worth of clothes in a suitcase, what was I doing starting a 12 hour trip? (I do laundry at my sister's, and I left several important pieces there last time, some on purpose, some not.)

I started folding clothes, called my sister on the speakerphone and asked if she was okay with postponing the trip for a week. I'm really disappointed. Really! I'm also discouraged.

And, honestly? Today has been my worst day since my diagnosis. I'm tired, and weary, and concerned about the project my sister and I are pursuing. If I had been planning to get sicker, faster, I would have spent more energy putting the apartment back together. Of course, if I'd been able to do that, I wouldn't have needed to postpone the trip.

As it is, the only parts of my apartment that are fully functional are my bed, my bathroom and my computer corner. The stereo/DVD/TV are all the way I want them, but the recliner is on the verge of giving up. I can't keep one of the bolts in, so the seat is no longer level.

On the bright side? I'm making progress using my digital scrapping tools. And Fresh & Easy opened just four blocks from me. They have lovely, fresh food, both ready-to-use produce and prepared meals. Their hummus tastes better than mine and uses no olive oil or salt.

Things would look much better if I could just get enough sleep!

About that neutropenic diet...

Yuck!

How can anyone consider a diet that prohibits all raw produce except bananas and oranges healthy???

Four months without romaine? Carrots? Parsley? Greek salad? Fruit smoothies?

neutropenic diet link

Well, that list adds grapefruit and melon, but bans salad bars for one year. No more Sweet Tomatoes?

By the way...it turns out that there is no evidence that this diet is necessary, just so-called common sense and institutional practice. (If your boss prescribes a neutropenic diet....)

Really good visit with my oncologist yesteday

Hi!

I had a really good visit with my oncologist today. No, really!

No...the leukemia isn't better, it's worse. Again. But my doctor and I had a good discussion about treatment options, and we're on the same page.

I went to the appointment prepared to defend my decision to refuse chemo at this time. When my White Blood Cell count hit 36 in April she told me that if it didn't come down by July we would need to consider "more aggresive treatment." By July it had gone up an additional 35%. We discussed chemo protocols. We agreed that the number was inflated by a raging sinus infection and the stress of my apartment remodel ten days earlier. I was to return in four to six weeks...today. (Thursday)

I expected the numbers to have dropped only slightly, if at all. On the other hand, I feel good, better than I have some times when my numbers looked better. My energy has been better, my mental health has been better. I'm starting to reclaim my life after having my apartment gutted. I actually made a cake from scratch on Labor Day!

Even so, half of my apartment is still unusable. I don't feel much like starting four months of nausea and semi-quarantine-- plus a neutropenic diet -- with half my kitchen stuff in boxes and my dining table upside down in my office.

Above all, I'm not done helping my sister in New York. As long as I feel well enough, and she feels that I'm helping, I will be there until the project is done.

So I went prepared. It wasn't necessary. My WBC count was up another 10%. The discernibly swollen lymph nodes have increased in number, size and number of sites. That is probably why I'm unable to eat much at one time.

But...I still feel good. She told me today that as long as I feel good she'd rather not start treatment, that I'll know when it's time.

All in all, a very good visit.

I thank you for your prayers. I know they make a difference.

Note: This is good news, people! I posted this on another site, and everyone seems to be responding as if it were bad news. I'm happy with this result...my doctor and I are in agreement not to start chemo until I feel so bad that chemo seems like an improvement!

And, about the apartment... My friend has tried, several times, to come put the furniture back. Once she was called in to work. Once both our days went haywire. Once I knew that I needed sleep more than I needed my furniture put back. Yesterday I realized that I needed to spend my energy on things that were more urgent, in order to be ready for my next trip.

And half the time I've been out of state.

It will get done.

Update

This entry is from an email I sent to a local friend. It pretty well covers everything.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I'm home. My apartment is still trashed, and I'm ok with it.

My bedroom and bathroom are ok. The kitchen and computer area are useable. The dining room furniture is still upside down in the office and the living room/guest room...(shudder!)

Now that the remodel is done, and I no longer have a deadline looming, I need to devote attention to areas of my life that I have been neglecting. It's working well for me, other than the Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. Literally. There's nowhere to sit.

Time and distance have helped me get perspective on putting things away in the kitchen. Instead of whining that the place that (fill in the blank) belongs is no longer there, I'm asking myself, "How often do I use this? Where do I use this? Where could it live?" Little by little....

And I'm getting rest. Lots of rest. Which I need.

I'm home for a little less than four weeks, then back to NY for two.

What is the expected life of a recliner, anyway?

Twelve years ago, shortly after moving into an apartment in the Biltmore area of Phoenix, I went to a thrift store looking for a filing cabinet. I didn't find one, but I did find a recliner, for $13. I called a friend, who called her brother, who picked it up for me. His good deed did not go unrewarded; on the way home he found a torchiere lamp discarded on the side of the road, which he took home and put to use.

Fast forward eight years. My recliner began sticking when I tried to change the position. Then I discovered that a bolt had dropped out. I turned the chair over and searched until I found a likely hole, and replaced the bolt. I could not make it stay in place. I knew that whenever I moved it, and sometimes when I didn't, I would need to turn the chair over again and fix it.

Just before leaving for New York last month I had a sinking feeling. Literally. I suspected that more than the original bolt was in trouble, but didn't have the time or energy to explore. Today I did.

A different bolt had fallen out, and the frame member that's supposed to hold it is split, too.

While I was looking for an empty hole I saw a stock tag, dated 6/23/70. I was still in high school.

What is the expected life of a recliner, anyway?

Why am I yawning?

Might it have something to do with getting up three time zones east of here?

I left the airport at 8:33 pm and had my computer back in its docking station and booted by 9:00. It's now 10:15, and I can't keep my eyes open.

Fortunately, I left my apartment in pretty good shape, with clean sheets on the bed, clean clothes folded in the drawers and all the garbage and trash out.

All I have to do it get off the stupid computer....

Still here...

Hi,

I made a slew of posts when I got my laptop back in its port replicator, then turned my attention to my current trip to NY.

I've been here a week; I'll be here another week.

We've had some work and some play. I had one bad day, but am feeling better today.

We're enjoying watching the Olympics, staying up much too late at night to watch the swimming live. (Installing the second TV was high on the To Do list.)

More soon.
Flo

Follow up: rescheduling my birthday

I was wildly, insanely optimistic when I thought that I would take in a Diamondbacks game the day after the remodel, and hike a Native American petroglyph site the next.

I spent the first two nights after the remodel at a friend's house. When I returned home to stay I happened to glance at the calendar on my refrigerator. Because it is a scrapbook page I write brief notes in the squares in pencil, as a reminder, then ink the details in once the month is done. It took me several seconds to figure out that "Deer?" meant that I had planned to be hiking in Glendale that evening. It didn't happen!

There are a couple more twilight hikes at the Deer Valley Rock Art Center this season, and a few more Family Friday games at Chase Field. Maybe I'll try for a Rockies game in September.

Follow up: Medical

It's been a busy couple of months, with routine follow up exams and "deferred maintenance," i.e., exams and tests that were overdue.

First, the latest: My primary care physician was wildly thrilled with the results she shared with me today. My osteopenia is completely reversed; in two years I've made up the equivalent of 15 years of bone loss, without drugs! My lab report was the best it's been in probably a couple of years: my total and ldl cholesterol are almost back down to where I want them, my triglycerides are down and my Vitamin D, while still considered low, was at least measurable.

Also today: The sinus infection is better but far from gone. My doctor changed the antibiotic that her partner prescribed last week, and extended it. This one might let me keep food in my system.

The broken toe seems to have improved. I went without the sandals yesterday without experiencing pain today. That's a first.

Then there was the oncology appointment on Tuesday. Not so good.... The bad numbers are now 35% higher than they were in April, when she told me that, if they didn't come down by July, we'd need to "consider more aggressive treatment." They went up 50% in seven weeks, after showing improvement between April and June.

Of course, that seven weeks corresponded to the stress and fatigue of the apartment remodel and the sinus infection, all of which raise my WBC count. I need to go back in four to six weeks to see if the increase was transient.

I did discuss with her what the chemo would entail: one treatment, in her office, every three weeks for six treatments. I would need a ride to the treatments: I would be given the same anti-nausea drug I took before the procedure on my neck, and it knocks me out. I would be immuno-compromised during the entire four months: prophylactic antibiotics, limited contact with outsiders, not even any raw produce!

My primary doctor, however, is not as concerned as you might expect. We know that the increased WBC is due to more than just the leukemia.

The remodel is done; it's no longer hanging over me. I've made my decision and signed a new lease. I was able to install my laptop back in my port replicator (aka docking station) just hours before I saw my oncologist. That has been a huge relief. I'm taking the time to figure out how I want to organize things in the new kitchen cabinets. It's taking longer than if I just hid the mess, but I'm already experiencing benefits from some of the changes.

I'm returning to New York next week with the blessings of both doctors. It was during my first trip to New York that my WBC count actually dropped 10%. I've changed my plans for one of the meetings I have planned from a formal presentation to a more casual discussion of some options available to the group.

This will work.

Housing update. Final.

Sigh. I just asked for a 12 month lease. I'll sign it tomorrow.

No, that's not what I wanted. Yes, I want to move. But since my lease is up today, and I didn't have the energy to move, I had to choose among the remaining options.

They were: an $80 rent increase (six months), a $65 rent increase (nine months) or a $50 rent increase plus $600 in my pocket now. (12 months) All the rent figures are plus tax.

I asked to have the $600 incentive pro-rated across the term of the lease, as I have done in the past, but that option is no longer available. I'll have to manage it myself.

At least that's one decision off my mind.

How do you spell "Home?"

Many years ago an advertisement asked, "How do you spell relief?" The manufacturer wanted the public to associate their product with relief from digestive distress.

I am enjoying relief from another kind of distress. I am finally sitting in front of my computer desk, with my laptop connected to (almost) all of its peripherals. (I have to reboot to pick up the last one.)

The remodel is done, the recovery is not. Aside from fighting fatigue and a sinus infection that got totally out of control, I have to start over in my kitchen. The new cabinets have a different layout from the old; I lost four drawers and about 40% of my shelf space.

But I'm back at my computer. Ahhh!

It may not be obvious why this is a big deal. After all, I do use a laptop.

I also use a port replicator, aka docking station. I have been unable to use my card reader (for photos of the work in progress), my scanner, my printer or my external hard drive. For much of the time I didn't have Internet access. I have had to use the built-in keyboard and touchpad, instead of a standard keyboard and my lovely five-button mouse. I also have been working perched on a wooden bar stool, instead of my ergonomic task chair.

The relief is significant.

I was gone only an hour!

Last night I went to have another of my free birthday meals for dinner. While I was eating it began raining. No big deal.

I finished eating early enough to use the back entrance to my apartment complex. (It is closer to my parking space, but closes at 10pm.) As I made the turn my first thought was, "We don't have shrubs there." Then I realized that a large tree had fallen across the driveway. I was able to drive around one end.

As I continued to my apartment I realized that I had missed some serious storm activity. A stop sign had blown over, and the ground was littered with palm bark. Palm bark??? We don't have any palm trees!

I took my new camera to shoot some photos of the damage. I'm still getting used to the settings; I'm not happy with the results, but I was soaked to the skin and the camera was getting wet, so I quit.

I may try again in the daylight tomorrow.

By the way...as far as I can tell there was no damage to people, animals or property, other than the tree.

Update: I just saw a story on the news about the storms last night. There was record-breaking rainfall in some places. Tempe actually was at the bottom of the range; the city east of us received more than 3". A government office there is closed, after a retaining wall burst and flooded the building with mud. One man was trapped by a falling tree, but it landed on his prosthetic leg; he was fine once bystanders lifted the tree.

If I had been asked what I wanted for my birthday, ...

I would not have included a car battery on the list. I should have.

Last night I needed to run some errands. I didn't expect an adventure.

When I turned the key in the ignition I heard the dreaded click. I had had no indications that the battery was failing. The car ran just fine the night before.

I will admit: it had occurred to me, sometime in the last three months, that my battery was more than three years old. I didn't give it much more thought at the time.

Until June 2007 I had road service coverage under the extended warranty on my car; I called a toll-free number, someone came and helped me. I knew that had expired.

I walked to the apartment office to see if we still had road service as a benefit. The provider had changed, but the number was on the door. I called and was told someone would be there within an hour.

I walked back to my car and phoned a friend, warning her that I might hang up with no notice. We talked for a long time, long enough that I became nervous. It was 8:30 and I still hoped to buy a new battery before Checker closed at 9:00.

The company called back; I needed to let the driver through the gate to the apartments. Because I was on my cell phone instead of my house phone I could not open the gate using my phone, so I walked over to use my pass card. The company had told the first driver that I lived south of Baseline; this was a second driver.

He had my car running by 8:43. I wanted to go to Checker, even though another auto parts store was closer, because that's where I bought the battery that failed.

I reached the store at 8:53. I had taken no time to charge the battery. Several times during the three-mile trip my lights had dimmed. At University I signaled a left turn, braked, turned, signalled a right turn and pulled into the parking lot. All of my dash lights went out, my radio went off and my car died as I pulled into a parking space directly in front of the door. Two employees were leaning on the wall; they did not appear pleased to have a customer.

I explained that I had just had my car jump-started, that I had bought the battery there, that I was unable to find any paperwork and that I didn't remember how long the warranty was. I asked if they could check the battery.

I'll condense the rest of the story. The battery tested bad, it was still under warranty, I received a $37.50 credit for a battery that cost me only $50 three years ago, I paid a total of $40 for a new, 84-month battery. I was on my way, too late to run several of the errands for which I left home, but safe.

I've decided to skip my birthday.

Not for long, just ten days or so.

The apartment remodel is next week. I have specific things to accomplish this week; ignoring my birthday will allow me to get more done.

Next week there's a Diamondbacks Family Friday game that I'm considering. (Entry, hot dog, drink and a pass to the zoo for $15 per person) There's also a twilight tour (see Calendar) at Deer Valley Rock Art Center that I've been looking forward to. Both of those are after the remodel, when I'll be able to relax and enjoy them.

This week won't be all work and no play. I ended up with a total of four free birthday meals at local restaurants; three of them are even healthy! Using them this week will let me spend more time preparing for the remodel and less on routine housework.

Also, several online photo sites have holiday pricing on prints through Saturday. I want to select and edit photos from the last few months so that I can get the prints on sale.

Red, white and blue

Ok. This isn't the most flattering picture ever taken of me. Let's call it, "Before." (Before what? That's a different post.)

After shooting and posting fireworks photos I wanted to try my new camera out in some other settings. I went to our city government complex, where there are trees and buildings and sky, and I could experiment with objects at various distances from the camera, without actually exerting myself much.

This camera has a delay function but not a remote control. To shoot this photo I had to press the shutter release, then run in front of the camera, try to remember where to stand and pose. This is the best of the batch.

I should, perhaps, mention that it was a sunny day, but I was standing in shadow to avoid squinting.

My photos of other things came out better.

I see fireworks....

My sister bought me a new camera for my birthday; it was waiting for me when I returned home last night.

This camera has more built-in program settings than I have ever seen on a camera, including one for fireworks. Of course, I had to try it.

The results would have been better if I had arrived more than one minute before the show started. I took my tripod, but forgot that I need to attach an adapter to the camera. I had the adapter in the car, but no time to attach it, once I realized I had a problem, so I had to shoot holding the camera.

Even so, I'm pleased!

Update on the toe

The groundhog didn't see a shadow. Or something.

For the last three weeks I have worn rigid soled shoes or slippers constantly, except while sleeping or showering. I have passed the six week mark since the injury, at which my doctor said my toe should be healed.

It isn't. Today I wore a different pair of sandals, just to watch fireworks and eat dinner. My toe was sore when I got home, and is more red than it has been in weeks.

Six more weeks of Teva clones, anyone?

On the other hand.... (computer update)

My new-to-me computer is happy, and so am I!

While I was in New York last month my sister gave me her old laptop, so that I would have a computer running Windows XP. It needed a new battery so I ordered one before I left New York. It arrived two days after I returned home. It was the wrong battery.

When I called the customer service department the representative was polite but firm: it was the right battery. The fact that it was the wrong shape and size, and didn't fit into the enclosure, did not dissuade him. He did issue a return authorization and arrange for FedEx to pick the battery up at their expense.

That left me without a battery and without the money I had paid them, pending their 15-day refund process. The existing battery had about a 40 minute useful life, and I really didn't have a convenient place to use it plugged in. As a result, I didn't use it much at all, and didn't begin transfering software and data from my old laptop, in order to travel with only one.

This week I bit the bullet and used money from next month's budget to buy another battery, from a different online vendor. It arrived today, while my friend was here. I immediately installed the battery and began charging it, but otherwise left it alone. When my friend left I noticed that the "charging" light was out. The new battery was fully charged in less than two hours. Yippee!! I now have a 3+ hour battery life.

Now I have 48 hours to transfer everything before I return to New York.

What's wrong with this picture?

I thought I was done.

I had the shelf, I had all the components in the right rooms, I had them talking to each other.... I pushed the stand back where it goes and turned the power on. The result was not what I expected.

When I started this project I coiled up the cable from the wall and tucked it out of the way. You can see it right there, behind the TV, still tucked out of the way. I never re-connected it.

I can watch DVDs and listen to music in the office. I can watch exercise videos in the wellness room. For the time being, the only TV I can get is Channel 8 (KAET), badly.

The rest of the story? When we were getting ready to swap the furniture last month the first thing we did was pack up all the videos and CDs, in order to move the entertainment center. I thought I could live without them until after the remodeling next month. I have about a dozen audio CDs that were in the office and one Blockbuster DVD. The rest are still packed.

(Image is washed out because I had to play with the exposure to compensate for the bright spots.)

Not what I had in mind.

I was so close....

Although it may take a very long time for me to figure how I want things organized, once I figure that out, I want to complete the project and enjoy the benefits, whether that's moving my kitchen appliances, swapping furniture between rooms or, in this case, reorganizing my TV, VCR, etc., so that I can have music in my office and watch exercise videos in my wellness room.

I recently figured out which components I needed in each room, and how to arrange them using the existing furniture. I needed to add one shelf to the entertainment center, for the VCR. On Thursday evening I found a shelf that sort-of works at Linens 'n' Things. I was eager to get the project done: I had a friend coming over to watch a video on Saturday, and I wanted my music back.

I couldn't do it. I got this far Thursday night and had to stop. I was too tired to start reconnecting the home theater.

Instead of having all of my components working, and my office looking better, I had nothing working, and my office more torn up than ever.

Sigh.

(Wes: I'm sorry. I appreciate your work, but last month I hadn't figured out that I needed to move the VCR.)

Tying up loose ends...

Just thought I'd follow up on a few recent posts.

Housing:
Ouch! I received my lease renewal letter this week. The rent is going up $60, and that's for a full year. If I renew for six months, as I plan, the rent will be even higher.

For a very brief moment I started scrambling. I'm packing anyway for the remodel on the 17th; how much more would it take...? I stopped myself. When I posted last time I felt that I had identified the correct course of action: to renew for six months, then move. I did not know how large the increase would be, but Heavenly Father did.


My toe:
I received the results of the x-rays today: my toe is broken. I can expect a few more weeks of discomfort if I follow my doctor's instructions. Fortunately, while I was in New York I did exactly what she would have told me to do, if I had seen her when it happened.

Unfortunately, I can't stand having it buddy-taped, and I've been doing more the last few days. Predictably, it hurts more. My doctor recommended Birkenstocks; I may look for a cheap clone at Wal-Mart.


My lab work:
I also received the results of the blood tests I requested, and was pleasantly surprised. The first two weeks that I was in New York the lymph nodes in my neck acted like popcorn. I went from one swollen node on the right side to a whole strand on the right and a few on the left. I thought my numbers would be way up; that's why I requested the lab work.

Instead, my numbers are about 10% lower than they were in April! I'm not questioning it....


Wi-Fi in BWI:
It's probabably a good thing I was unable to connect to the Internet in Baltimore. "Free Public Wi-Fi" is a so-called viral network, not a legitimate provider.

I should have known better. During my layover at Midway (Chicago) there were big banner ads every 10 yards or so announcing that the transit authority offered free wi-fi in the terminals. I looked for a similar sign in Baltimore; their absence should have tipped me off.

I checked BWI's web site. Boingo is the authorized provider. You can subscribe for unlimited service or pay for 24 hour windows of service on the fly. I may establish an account just to have it available in the future.

I very much prefer changing at Baltimore on the way to Long Island. I leave Phoenix at 6:00 a.m. and have five hours to sleep. After a short hop to LI I arrive rested and ready to visit.


VCR mishaps:
I'm running 0 for 2 on the VCR programming. I sat down to watch the NCIS season finale last night. I missed taping the first hour of that, too.


Fan:
Yeah!!! My fan is fixed. Thanks, Connie!


Stay tuned....

Dancing With ... Ty Pennington???

Before leaving for New York I set my VCR up to tape the season finales of two shows.

I had heard that the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition finale would be two hours long. I didn't realize that it started one hour early.

This afternoon I discovered that I had taped the second hour of Exteme Makeover and the first hour of Dancing With the Stars.

Nuts!

Ahh! The soft, gentle breeze...

I have my pedestal fan working in the office, again.

It's not fixed, but the 40F temperature difference between Long Island and Tempe necessitated some action. The fan head is balanced on the post. The pin which should connect them is still out. I turned off the oscillation and have my fingers crossed.

A friend is dropping by tomorrow; I'll ask her to help me repair it permanently.

A Lady of Leisure...

I may spend the next two weeks with my feet up.

I saw my doctor today. To my surprise, being able to bend my injured toe without pain was not, in fact, a sign that it wasn't broken. I had an Xray taken today; I'll get the results next week.

Either I broke the toe or I tore all the ligaments in the top half. Either way, the treatment is the same: buddy taping it to the next toe, wearing a shoe with a rigid sole and rest.

Mobile computing, at last!

I'm writing this while sitting in a boarding area at BWI. Sort of.... I can write, but I can't post. I'm using WordPad.

I'm so disappointed. I thought this would be my first experience using wi-fi someplace other than my sister's home. I have a three hour layover. I have my laptop. I have my Wi-Fi card. I found a "Free Public Wi-Fi" network.

I'm showing a strong connection to the network, but my browser can't find any sites. Oh, well....

I'm on my way back to Phoenix from my sister's home on Long Island, New York.

We had a good visit. I'm very glad that I stayed the extra week. We got more done, and had dinner with my nephew last night, and I was able to set up some Creative Memories appointments for my next trip.

I have to keep reminding myself that we did, in fact, get a lot done. Visually, there isn't much change. I guess you could say that we focused on infrastructure work this trip.

We straightened out my sister's account with her cable Internet provider. We set up her wi-fi router and connected all of her (and my) computers. That allowed her to dump AOL as her ISP.

We installed her new scanner and she began getting familiar with PaperPort, the document management software that came with it.

I installed Creative Memories Memory Manager and Storybook Creator Plus software on my sister's new computer, and she loaded her photos from her memory cards, backups and other computer. All 3000+ of them!

I cleaned the screens in her faucets and shower, which previously had marginally useful water pressure.

I replaced light bulbs. Lots of light bulbs! I'm about 4" taller than my sister. It makes a difference. We bought two floor lamps for her office; I assembled one of them.

I cleaned out and swept about half of her garage. We dumped lots of trash and recycling.

We briefly saw Fire Island and Smith Point Park while renewing my nephew's fishing license. We intended to return, and to visit the Flight 700 International Memorial, but the next weekend was Memorial Day -- not the time to go the beach, if you can avoid it -- and then we had some rainy weather.

I wanted to take some "then and now" photos to make a digital album about Long Island. Early in my visit I noted some potential sites as we ran errands. We never got back to shoot the photos. The last half of my visit we had several rainy and cloudy days, and I had a few days that I needed to rest.

By the way... (inconsistent Internet access)

If I seem to have disappeared for the last two weeks, it's because my Internet access has been spotty.

Momentum challenge!

Before I left for New York I ordered the Momentum system for myself and my sister. It consists of a heart rate monitor, two training CDs, two exercise DVDs and membership in an online site where you can log your workouts and progress, read motivational articles and testimonials and earn free stuff for working out. I had them shipped to my sister.

There was a special price for Flybabies (www.FlyLady.net) in April, leading up to a challenge in May. The challenge was supposed to start last Monday, but the response during the last week of signups was so great that it was put off a week.

Today's the day!

Yes, I'm in New York.

I've been in New York for the last ten days helping my sister.

It's been a good visit. This is where I grew up, and I've been back only 11 days in the last 20 years; that was for a wedding and a funeral.

I've enjoyed visiting with my sister. I've enjoyed seeing the Island, noticing what's changed and what's stayed the same. We briefly went out to the bay (near the ocean) and plan to go back to visit the Flight 700 International Memorial, which we passed. I've been making a list of places I'd like to photograph when we have a free day when the weather's nice.

The night I arrived my great-nephew had a concert; we went straight from the airport. (That's why it took so long.) I enjoyed the concert, and visiting with him afterwards.

I've been tired, but I'm tired at home, too. It's no reason not to travel.

We haven't made as much progress on our project as I had hoped. We made a plan after I had been here a couple of days, but I wasn't satisfied with the way it was working, so Friday we had a meeting, discussed what was working and what wasn't, and made a new plan. It's going better now.

It's not broken...

but it sure looks and feels awful.

Early on May 14 I was packing and dressing at the same time, before leaving at 4:00 am for New York. I caught the little toe of one foot on a laundry basket. I knew immediately that it was serious, but so is a non-refundable ticket, so I put my socks and shoes on and left. I spent the next 18 hours traveling, without benefit of Rest, Ice, Compression or Elevation. I honestly believed it was broken.

It wasn't, but I spent the next few days barely able to touch it, much less walk on it. First the entire toe turned black, except where it was very deep red, then the pooled blood started spreading across the base of my other toes. Now it's swollen and a little pink. Still sore, but nowhere near what it was.

Update, 6/11/08: Actually, it is broken. It healed to the point I described above and then stopped improving. When I returned to Phoenix I saw my doctor and she ordered an X-ray. I got the results today.

Nick, pt. 2 (fan)

The bolt didn't break, it fell out. The fan is still broken.

The hollow piece that I thought was the connector is actually just a sleeve. I found the bolt on the floor. It fits through the sleeve on the fan housing and into a socket on the stand.

Well, it would, if I could make all the pieces line up and still turn the bolt. I had it lined up a couple of times, but couldn't turn the bolt without messing up the alignment.

The pieces are all plastic except the bolt and socket. I'm afraid that I'll cause more damage if I keep messing with it. Of course, I'm also afraid that I'm causing more damage by allowing it to stand with the heaviest piece attached only by a thin piece of plastic that wasn't intended to support it.

And this is the only fan that we didn't disassemble and clean last month. Every time I work on it I send a shower of dust onto the base, the carpet and myself.

I may move it into the kitchen, on the tile, lay it down and try to align the pieces without fighting gravity.

If I have any extra time in the next few days. Right.

Nearly Headless Nick does not make a good fan.

My fan broke! The only one with a floor stand!

Actually, the fan is fine, the stand is what broke. I heard an odd noise and when I looked, the fan part was tipped over, like Nearly Headless Nick with his head on his shoulder.

[This is my newest fan. I bought it less than a year ago, after my diagnosis. I've been very careful to always move it by the upright post, and to make sure nothing would interfere with the oscillation.]

I could fix it if I had a medical pin, the kind used to set a femur, for example. Lacking that, can anyone suggest a way to add little wings to a dowel or bolt?

The bolt connecting the fan to the stand broke. It was hollow, so I could stick a dowel through both pieces, but it's open at the bottom, so without little wings to support it at the joint, the dowel would fall right out.

There's no point replacing it until I know how many ceiling fans will be added during the makeover, and where they will be placed.

For now I'll move the table fan from the living room to my office. It isn't as big, but I'll get by.

Google Docs and my new leukemia album

When I login to Blogger.com notices of new or improved features are included on the first page I see. One was listed last week that I immediately became excited about: PowerPoint-style presentations can be included in blogs. They are a feature of Google Docs, with which I was unfamiliar, so I started exploring.

I chose as a test project my leukemia album. I actually have two: one for 2007, recording my reaction to learning I have incurable cancer, and another for 2008, which focuses on my determination to get my life back. A presentation seemed an ideal way to share the pages of an album with my friends.

This is my first try. It's very rough: I need to rescan the pages, using consistent settings, and improve the design of the title page. But once I post this entry, I'll see whether the feature works.

Knowing where I'm going... (housing)

A management book popular in the 1970's included the maxim, "If you don't know where you're going you'll probably end up somewhere else." (The Peter Principle. I think.) I think I've finally decided where I'm going. It's not clear to me yet how I'm going to get there.

When my lease expires on July 31 I would like to renew for six months.

I've wanted to move for more than two years but medical crises kept interfering.

When I rented this apartment my income was more than double what it is now. When I renewed the lease in 2006 I had a balanced budget, but it included regular restitution payments as well as self-employment income from both mystery shopping and Memory Keeping. Neither of those has reached the planned level.

The cost of living is rising rapidly, and I don't expect that to change. Every time I buy gasoline or groceries I experience sticker shock. Utility bills, haircuts, toilet paper -- I expect all of these costs to go up. I am less able to work than I was previously. These factors would support moving to a less expensive apartment, or giving up having my own home completely.

On the other hand, moving is expensive. Besides the financial costs -- deposits, utility connection fees and the move itself -- there are tremendous physical and emotional costs. Right now I simply don't have the resources to spare, in any of those areas. Also, I have made tremendous progress this year in decluttering and organizing my home. I would like to see some specific projects through to completion, rather than moving things that will just get discarded or donated.

Finally, my oncologist gave me three months to reverse the deterioration of my health or face chemo. That requires extra rest, extra attention to my diet and wellness practices and, above all, a reduction in stress. I believe that if I move the last week of July I will spend August in my oncologist's office.

Renewing for six months will allow me to focus on my health for the next few months. I'll continue the projects at home, but with a much more relaxed timetable.

Heat seems to aggravate some of the annoying symptoms of the leukemia; I'm already having increased problems since seeing my doctor two weeks ago. Renewing my lease would allow me to rest during the worst of the Arizona heat.

This feels like the right decision. I don't know how I'm going to make it happen.

The end result...

I am very happy with the final result of my friends' and my efforts in my home in the past week.

I finished re-cabling the computer yesterday. I can reach my peripherals more easily than before, my external hard drive is in an out-of-the-way corner where it's safe, my wires are neat, my headset works, and ... I have ports for all of my USB toys!

I continue to be thrilled with having my music back. I truly had not realized how much I was missing, and how much I was missing it.

I may leave the TV where it is. Although I originally moved it because NCIS was starting and I didn't have time to troubleshoot my cable, it's working rather nicely.

Although I feel better than I did yesterday, I'm still sick. I'm tired. Really tired. I realized how tired when I looked in the pantry and decided I was too tired to cook quinoa for dinner. (You bring water to a boil, add the quinoa, stir, remove from heat and wait seven minutes.) Instead I ate some almonds and a slice of whole wheat bread.

I had scheduled two mystery shops for this afternoon, then pushed them off until evening. Now they can wait until tomorrow.

I'm sick. Part 2

I didn't go back to bed.

I knew that it would be easier to enter my mystery shopping report if I finished putting my computer back together. I didn't really decided to do it all today until I was almost done; I just kept doing "one more thing."

The cables and transformers are labeled. The external hard drive is working. I haven't tried the inkjet printer. It wasn't working before, and I don't need any more frustration today.

More important to my peace of mind, the furniture is where it belongs. I didn't want to push the computer cart against the wall until I finished messing with cables.

My throat feels better. I've continued to push fluids.

And I've continued to bask in the sound from my stereo. Ahhh....

I'm sick.

And cranky.

I've been fighting a sinus infection since last week. The last two days I've felt sufficiently un-well that I sucked on zinc lozenges and got extra rest. Apparently that wasn't enough. I woke up this morning feeling distinctly ill, with a stuffy head, body aches, earaches and a spot on my pharynx that was red, swollen and sore.

Unfortunately, my office is still torn up, I have a mystery shop due today and the clean dishes have been in the dishwasher for days.

But...I am still thrilled with having my home theater accessible, and I can now watch TV and use the Internet at the same time. (I had to add a cable outlet.)

I've been drowning my symptoms in fruit juice. My throat feels better. My materials are printed for the mystery shop this afternoon.

I am going to start a stack of CDs playing and go back to bed.

Clearing up the confusion

Apparently I was so upbeat and positive when I reported on my last appointment with my oncologist that I completely obscured the primary message.

I said:
. I expected my numbers to be worse.
. I was right.
. I didn't expect them to be so much worse.
. In that context, not being anemic was the bright side.

I did not say:
. My white cell count increased more than 50% in just the last three months.
. It is now three times what it was when I was diagnosed.
. My current numbers would apparently be sufficient to justify chemo if I didn't feel as good as I do.
. If I don't reverse the deterioration within the next three months I will be looking at chemo regardless of how I feel.

Coincidentally, that is the same time frame for either significantly increasing my income or moving. (My lease is up ten days after my oncology appointment.)

Not a good combination....

All in all, a good day's work.

I've spent most of the last 12 hours working towards having my computer put back together, in one way or another.

So far, so good. My new USB hub is not only working, it is attached to my cart with Velcro. It has enough ports for all of my toys, which I've never had before. I can easily reach the ports for my mp3 player and headset.

My laser printer and scanner are working. That's necessary for me to complete the mystery shop that I rescheduled from today to tomorrow. (At that point I couldn't print the questionnaire.) My Palm cradle, photo card reader and cable modem are working.

My headset is only half-working. It records ok, but the sound is coming through the laptop speakers instead of the headset. That's workable, but some voice-overs that I'm recording would be a lot easier if it worked correctly.

I haven't installed my external hard drive or inkjet printer. I don't expect any problems with the hard drive. The inkjet wasn't working anyway; I discovered a conflict on the port last week.

I did not expect to spend three days on this, but I'm happy with the result.

Update, 5/7: My headset now works. Oddly, but it works. I can connect this headset using either the audio ports on my laptop or via a USB adapter. For some reason I need to run the input through the adapter but the output directly.

Back online!

I'm back online, after being incommunicado for 48+ hours.

On Saturday friends moved some furniture for me within and between two rooms. My PC cart was one of the pieces that got moved; I needed to re-cable it and make some adjustments for the new layout. Right now I've connected just the laptop and the modem; I'll have to take it down again to connect the printers, external hard drive, card reader, audio, etc.

I was immediately very happy with the results. I'm grateful and glad that I went ahead with the changes. Right up until they arrived I was considering chickening out. It seemed like so much work, and for a short benefit, if I move in July.

Then I turned my stereo on. Ahhh! When I moved into this apartment I put the home theater in the living room. Sounds reasonable, but...my living room was designed as the master bedroom, and is directly below the master bedroom of my upstairs neighbors. I've ended up listening to my CDs on a boom box in the office while my lovely home theater sat neglected in the corner. It now sits in a corner that lets the sound fill the apartment without annoying the neighbors. Well, they haven't complained yet, anyway. I hadn't realized just how much I missed my music. Saturday afternoon I was dancing in my office. Literally.

My friends recabled the computer after they moved it, but today I tore it all apart. Completely. Right down to removing the shelves from the cart so that I could thoroughly clean it. (Yes, Connie, I wore a dust mask!) As I'm putting it back together I'm labeling the cables and transformers, as well as the outlets. No more lying on the floor asking, "Is this the cord? This one?"

Because I moved some of the peripherals in relation to the docking station I need to make some additional changes. I may end up putting the hutch on the computer cart, which I've resisted.

But yesterday I was able to rearrange the art on the walls, as a result of the furniture changes. I've very happy with the way that turned out.

I'd better end this here. I've read my email, and checked my blogs, and checked in on SparkPeople. I need to connect the rest of my equipment in order to complete and report a mystery shop tomorrow. Gasoline, not fast food.

On the bright side, I'm not anemic.

I saw my oncologist today and, as usual, I already had a pretty good sense of my condition. I expected my numbers to be worse, I just didn't anticipate how much worse they would be. On the other hand, my platelets improved and I'm not anemic. Those are two of the measures used to stage CLL, so they do matter.

I'm still on a three month follow-up, to see whether I can reverse the trend through lifestyle management. If the numbers are still this bad in July then she would "want to look at other options." I.e., chemo.

The decision to continue watchful waiting, instead of starting more aggressive treatment, is due, in part, to the fact that I don't feel that bad. I'm tired, and I'm experiencing more swelling in my lymph nodes, but I'm not overtly sick. If that changes I need to see her right away.

She did, however, encourage me to go ahead with my trip to New York next month, even knowing the purpose of the visit. She thinks it will be good for me.

This morning, before my visit, I worked in my 2008 Leukemia album, which I just started yesterday, after completely changing my intended design. I also spent some time in my 2007 Annual album. I was reminded of how much I benefit when I work on my albums, especially journaling. I realized that I've been neglecting my gratitude album. That's an activity that costs nothing and really feeds my spirit.

I'm back! And two new sites....

I was reminded yesterday of a truth which tends to slip out of my awareness: after I have overextended myself, as I did at the end of March, I tend to become severely withdrawn, like a turtle that's been poked. The more drained I allow myself to become, the longer it takes to begin tentatively poking my head out, seeing whether it's safe to emerge.

But, I'm on my way back.

While I was holed up in my cave this month I actually got quite a bit done. With the help of a friend my laundry is current. My kitchen is clean, my personal albums have their own shelf and my product display is updated. I've set up an improved filing system for my mystery shopping reports and medical receipts, referrals, etc., which had overwhelmed my original system.

I've been decluttering and freecycling, with more pickups due tomorrow. With the laundry done I'm ready to begin a Closet Purge. (Missus Smarty Pants)

I even tackled the back bathroom. I didn't have the patience to wait three weeks to see whether the Automatic Shower Cleaner could actually deal with the crud that was left from the plumbing disaster; within a couple of days after cleaning out the shower and bathroom I was down on my hands and knees, scrubbing.

I've also been cooking more. I even resumed baking my own bread!

What I actually logged on to share, however, is that I finally have web sites up and running for my writing on two different topics.

Whole Foods for Health and This I Believe are both communities hosted on yuku.com. I chose that site because it is designed to support entire interactive communities, rather than simply blogging with comments. I can group the topics within each community into categories. I can specify differing levels of access for different groups of viewers.

Yuku used to be ezboard; when it was, it was easy. Once they migrated to Yuku, which was supposedly an improvement, I completely lost my ability to control the structure and appearance of my sites. I would check in every now and then, waste a lot of time trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, then give up and leave again. I really wanted to get the sites up and running, but it was like beating my head on a brick wall.

Now it works! I don't know whether they changed, or I changed, but now everything makes sense, I'm able to add, delete and move forums, control access, control the appearance...everything I expected to be able to do when I joined several years ago! There are still some features that I need to spend time mastering, but I know where the controls are, and where to seek help.

Whole Foods for Health is a site where I can share what I've learned about the relationship between diet and health, diet and illness, diet and premature death. I can gather the resources I find most useful, share my recipes and meal planning tips and solicit suggestions from others. It will be a single site to which I can refer people who ask my help. It will also be where I solicit feedback on the books I am writing and have outlined.

This I Believe was supposed to be called Works in Progress, but that URL was taken. It's a place for me to publish my talks, essays and other commentary related to my faith and beliefs. Some of this material has been in my head for decades, or on my various computers, notes tucked in my scriptures, lists in the back of my Bible,....

I believe that having a home for these writings will help me to take the time to get them out of my head and into the light of day.

I use a different username on yuku than I do on all my other social / blogging sites. You'll be able to find my sites by using these links; people who discover my writings on yuku will not necessarily find their way here.

What can I say? (Too little, too late...)

I missed the deadline by 95 minutes.

I struggled with formatting my application. I don't have pdf forms software, which would have allowed me to just add my answers to the existing document and save it as a new pdf. I had to print the application, figure out where to put my answers, create a document and mess with the positioning. Over and over and over. Then I had to print them onto copies of the form.

I finished at 11:52 MST on the last day of the application period. It was already 3:00 a.m. in D.C. I had scanned the pages, but I wanted to include additional information in an addendum, and I had already referred to it in the application. It was too late to just omit it.

It took me 90 minutes, some of it stupid formatting stuff. (MS Word can be so weird!)

I sent it off anyway, with a plea that it be considered in spite of being late.

We'll see.

I'm going to bed. A friend will be here in eight hours to help with heavy housework.

Update, three minutes later: I received an auto-reply to my application email. It's hopeless. I was so focused on and so frustrated by creating the video and formatting the application that I missed a requirement.

In my defense, the application requirements are listed in three different places, and the list is different in each place. I complied with the requirements on page one of the application. There's an additional requirement in the list on page four, and yet another on the web site.

Since Thursday afternoon I have done little but work on this application. It's not entirely wasted; as I answered the questions and prepared an addendum I gained some insights, and I'm very happy with the way I expressed some things. When the class is offered again I can reuse the material.

But it won't be this year, and I was really looking forward to it, for many reasons.

Another update. I just can't leave this alone. I am so frustrated and disappointed. My original plan had been to shoot the video on Friday. I realized that I couldn't be ready, so we rescheduled to Monday. I hoped to submit my application on Monday, but knew that I still had Tuesday as a backup plan. We shot the video, and it took me hours to discover that it was unusable, and we had to start over. If I had been able to use Monday's video I would have been able to spend Tuesday on the application, taking my time, reading the requirements, letting it rest and reviewing it with fresh eyes. Instead I have spent the last eighteen hours trying to avert a disaster. Unsuccessfully.

Success! Cooking Demo Video

My thanks to all of you who contributed to the success of this project! I could not have done it without you.

My latest video ran 9:18. I forgot some material that I wanted to include, but it's probably just as well, because I squeaked in under the length limit. Because I can't watch video on my computer, and I couldn't figure out the playback controls on my friend's camera, I had to upload it blind. It took about an hour for the upload and subsequent processing.

But it's there and it works. Now I can relax.

Not too long. I've written my answers to the application questions on a copy, but I haven't formatted them so that I can print them instead of handwriting them.

Still, this is a huge relief!

Tina Turner redux ("We never do nothin' nice and easy.")

I planned ahead. Honest!

I outlined the script for my job application cooking demo last week. I speak better from an outline than I do from a full script.

I listed the tools and ingredients I needed and had them ready.

I worked Thursday, Friday and Saturday to figure out the lighting and the camera position. (That was in between doing laundry, dishes, etc.)

Also Thursday, Friday and Saturday I learned about shooting digital video. I experimented with my camera. The storage card included with the camera held only 16Mb -- no wonder I thought it could only record 15 seconds of video! I discovered that with my 128 Mb card the feature was actually useful. I also discovered the clips are stored in a format that can't be read on my computer. The current release of QuickTime requires a newer operating system than Win2000. In order to see my videos I have to upload them.

I created a YouTube account. I uploaded test clips. I varied the resolution. I varied the sound. I varied the camera position.

I cleared the island, which usually holds more than just my mixer. I cleared the refrigerator, which usually has library due date notices, the poison control center magnet and a magnetic shopping list. I cleared the shelf that contains my spice racks. It usually has all the spices that don't fit on the racks plus the clip-on lamp I use for food photography.

I planned my clothes. I planned my hair. I planned my makeup.

I was unable to finish the preparations on Saturday, so I started out today (Monday) behind schedule. I called my friend and asked to push back the time. She agreed, but had an appointment not much later.

She arrived, we put her camera on the tripod, we made a very short test clip, we added more light. The camera was getting confused by the intense sunlight shining through the blinds onto the white refrigerator behind me, so we figured out a way to block the light without being obvious. We shot another test clip and were happy with it.

I wanted to do a test run first, to review the script and check the timing and lights. My friend agreed. We started the dry run, with the camera rolling. Halfway through I stopped dead as I realized I had just cut my only lemon in half. The beans were in the food processor. I had totally forgotten about the test run. I had also just come to a complete stop in the middle of what was now my submission clip.

I continued, but was flustered. I babbled a little, then found my stride. Well, I thought I found my stride. The lemon hummus I was making usually requires two or three tablespoons of liquid to adjust the consistency. I was up to six and it was showing no signs of cooperating. At that point my friend asked when I was going to add the lemon juice.

The lemon juice. I had become so flustered about cutting the lemon that I forgot to add the juice. No wonder the hummus was the consistency of cement! I added the lemon juice and the hummus started to blend beautifully. I finished my presentation and served the wraps that I had prepared earlier, along with carrots and pita to dip in the new batch.

We ate our snacks while watching the replay on the camera. It was not five minutes long; it was fifteen. We were happy with it. My friend had to leave for her appointment before it finished. When it did I uploaded the file to my hard drive and started the upload to You Tube...

Which died. It seemed to be working, then it just stopped. I needed a break by then. I set the project aside, checked my email, paid some bills, played a computer game.

When I returned to YouTube to try again I noticed some text off to the side; it was a link to a different upload process for files more than 100Mb or for loading multiple files at once. That seemed like the solution to my problem until I followed the link. At the top of the next screen was a warning that files must be less than 1 GB and less than ten minutes. Oops!

I've sent a desperate letter to friends asking if they know anyone with the software and expertise to help me edit the clip down to ten minutes. We could delete some of our conversation, and we can definitely eliminate some of the two minutes that are drowned out by the food processor. I can shorten the segment following my discovery that this was the submission video, not the trial run, but I think I'll leave in the part where I looked straight at the camera and explained what had just happened.

But, just in case I can't edit the file, I need to go get some lemons. I'll get several this time. You never know....



Update: I just checked YouTube. After taking more than 30 minutes to upload, and about that to process the file, YouTube rejected the video for the length. I knew they would, but I had to try.

The job...

When asking permission of two friends to list their names as references on the job application I'm preparing I included a description of the job and the way I see it fitting into my life. I'm very happy with the way it turned out, so I'm including it here.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I am applying to become an instructor for the Food for Life program of The Cancer Project. I have been taking this class at The Wellness Community in Phoenix. Each week, for eight weeks, participants watch a 10 minute video in which Dr. Neal Barnard shares the science of that week's topic. The instructor then answers questions about the material and talks about the foods he's going to prepare. The participants watch the instructor prepare a meal, then share it. How much each gets depends on the size of the class.

It is much easier to change something as fundamental as eating habits when you've had some experience. Seeing the food prepared, seeing that it can be quick and easy, seeing that vegan food is not all roots and twigs, and doesn't require exotic ingredients, does much to eliminate the psychological obstacles that hold many back from these changes. Actually sampling the food gives them a starting point for trying the recipes at home.

This program teaches the whole foods, plant-centered way of eating that I have been promoting for nearly fifteen years. It would give me credentials and credibility that I simply don't have right now. It would more than replace the income from the mystery shopping that I've given up. More importantly, it would permit me to more effectively share the lifestyle changes that I believe are the key to relieving the plague of chronic illness affecting our population.

It will be physically challenging for me, but I think I've worked that out. The course is typically offered for eight consecutive weeks. While I'm teaching I would do basically nothing else. I would have food in the freezer, ready to eat. I would have the laundry and the housework caught up before I started, and let them slide during the course. A customer has offered to "carry and clean" for me.

The Project asks that applicants commit to teach at least two courses per year. My initial goal is to teach one course per quarter, which would allow me to get caught up at home and serve my Creative Memories customers between courses. Eventually, as the process becomes routine and the recipes more familiar, I would consider teaching more than one class per week. My instructor currently teaches five or six classes each week; I would aim for two.

I believe my health challenges will actually increase my credibility with the patients. I can tell them, "I have spinal injuries, I have leukemia, I have fatigue. This is how I eat this way without a lot of work...." I can also explain that this way of eating has permitted me to manage my diabetes without medication for more than ten years.

My becoming an instructor would also make the program available to patients who are currently not served. There is only one instructor serving the three million people in the Phoenix area. He offers classes in the north and northeast suburbs. There has been a huge amount of growth in the south and east suburbs. For patients living in those areas, especially those more ill than I am, driving to the existing classes is just not an option.

The application is oriented to professionals with a medical or culinary background, but my instructor has encouraged me to apply. He can tell from my participation that I'm well read on nutrition, that I have extensive experience with this way of eating and with cooking, that I express myself well and that I interact with the other students well. He has agreed to provide a reference for me.

I have been retired for 11 years and have no background in the expected fields, so I'm at a loss for professional references. [Here I explained to each person what aspects of our relationship I feel support my application.]

Thank you!

The rest of the story... (re: March 15 post)

After posting such a discouraged entry two weeks ago I wanted to share the flip side.

I've lost the weight I gained. My blood sugar is down. The lymph node in my neck has returned to its previous size. My energy level is better. My mood is vastly better. I've significantly reduced my consumption of Dr. Pepper, my drug of choice.

My kitchen is drastically better, and will be completely back in order tomorrow.

My tops are clean, my sheets are clean, my towels are clean, my underwear is clean. The jeans aren't as urgent, since I switched from jeans to denim capris last week.

My current goal with my wellness coach is increasing my activity by wearing my pedometer regularly and progressively increasing my steps.

I've gone from being clueless on Thursday about digital video and YouTube to having successfully uploaded a test clip, in preparation for filming a cooking demo tomorrow for my Cooking for Life application. A friend is bringing her camera to shoot the video. (Mine won't shoot five minutes at the resolution I want.)

Someone whose opinion I greatly respect has agreed to provide a reference for me. I'm waiting to hear from a friend whom I've asked.

I'm spending more time with people and less with my computer.

I've given up mystery shopping. It's been several weeks since I accepted any assignments, but I hadn't said, "That's it; I'm done." Now I have. I don't know how I'm going to replace the income in the short term, but I feel good about the decision.

I'm walking more, singing more, scrapping more, cooking more.

I need to be more diligent about maintaining balance in my life. Overscheduling myself, or pushing too hard, has in the past started a cascade of poor decisions: I'm tired, I drink more Dr. Pepper, I don't cook from scratch, I don't clean the kitchen.

I have the tools to maintain balance. I'm getting better about using them. I'm getting better at stopping the cascade early.

Life is good.

Well. [A busy morning.]

It isn't yet 11:00 a.m.

I've picked up my produce share.
I've eaten breakfast.
I've studied the scriptures pertaining to the institution of the Passover.
I've taken photos of Flat Stanley at the largest annual outdoor Easter pageant in the world.
I've picked up some citrus gleaned on the temple grounds.
I've taken a photo of the Christus statue that I needed to finish my 2007 Gratitude album.
I've walked 3800 steps.
I've picked up some things I needed at the Distribution Center in Mesa. On foot.
I've returned a video.

All of this on two hours sleep.

I need to get the produce out of the car.
I need a shower.
I need a nap.

I cannot do everything [at once]....

I have seen pieces of this quotation used, with various attributions, but this is the earliest source that I've seen. I'm glad to find it.

Like Tina Turner, ... (MLB)

Like Tina Turner, "[I] never do nothin' nice and easy."

I had a long day, with lots of obstacles.

I'm tired and in pain, even though I've taken more painkillers than usual.

Lots of things went wrong, and I nearly turned back.

But Flat Stanley and I made it to an Oakland A's spring training game today. I got lots of photos. I also got sunburned.

I wanted to record more, but I'm really too tired. I'll try to get back to it.

Hmm... New apartment service?

When I cleared the patio last Monday for the painters I swept, but not thoroughly, and I left the mess in a pile. Between the desert, the dry air and the wind, my patio is a dumping ground for dirt and leaves. After moving the furniture into the closet I did not feel up to sweeping up the mess and hauling it through the apartment.

The patio is a lot lower on my list of priorities than the laundry, kitchen, bathrooms, etc.

Someone just cleaned my patio. He swept it thoroughly and carefully, then swept the mess into a shovel and passed it to someone outside. It was (what I consider to be) a manure shovel, and it took three loads.

He then hopped the fence back out. The fence that comes nearly up to my shoulder. He just, put his hand on top and ... hopped the fence! And he's not that tall!

I thought maybe it was the painters, but they were supposed to finish last Saturday. As he was finishing I saw a landscaping company logo on his shirt.

Hmmm. It looks very nice.

Update, 3/31/08: They did it again last week. Apparently it is a new service.

It's spring here today...

which is a nice change, because last week it was summer.

It's nearly 1:00 p.m., and the temperature hasn't yet reached 60F. There's a nice breeze. The sky is blue, with fluffy white clouds. Lots of clouds, actually, more grey than white, which seems sort of appropriate.

I had a very emotional day yesterday. I'm still grieving for my friend's young family, but buoyed up by sharing that grief with others around the world who miss her.

I went to a church supper yesterday. A small group, not the entire congregation. It was very casual, lots of time to visit. We needed that. I needed that.

Somethin's gotta give....

It's been a tough week.

I woke up Monday morning to the sound of compressors running, too close. Uh oh. I was supposed to clear the patio because they were painting our buildings. I had to get up before I was ready, move all of the patio furniture into the storage closet. Which was full of dirt, because it's a low spot in the concrete, so first I swept out the closet. And I had to lift the 5 gallon planter of aloe up onto the chair, because the closet isn't that big. (I have to remember to let it out, once I'm sure the painters are finished.)

I was on a roll so I also moved some furniture in my office. One piece was on wheels and the other I used those carpet sliders for. I'm happy with the progress, but it's far from done. My back has hurt ever since.

On Wednesday I got together with a new online friend at an Internet cafe, to help her learn to use the site where we met. I had a blast, but I was tired. Late Wednesday I learned that a friend's only child, 20, had died. The funeral was today.

Thursday is my long day. I had my weekly coaching call, which is a positive thing in my life, and the final Cooking for Life class, in the next city.

Also on Thursday members of another site I belong to held a tribute day for a member in hospice care with cancer. She was the driving force behind the "Managing Your Life" forum there, with the goals of decluttering, simplifying, etc., so the tribute day focused not only on prayers for her and her young family, but also on doing those things that were important to her: decluttering, organizing, taking photos, scrapbooking. (It's a scrapbooking site.) I did a few things early, but was out most of the day.

I have not been keeping up at all. I've been tired. My kitchen, which had been in very good shape early in the month, is unusable. I haven't done laundry in weeks. The dresser is bare of clean clothes. I've known I needed to wash underwear.

The lymph node in my neck is even larger. That means my lymphocyte count is up. It was already the highest it had ever been when it was checked in January.

Last night I lay down to listen to Scriptures. When I finished I decided that, rather than getting up again, I would just stay in bed and get an early start today.

I woke up and sorted the laundry. I started the underwear wash. I had two hours before the funeral...

and learned online that my other friend died last night. She leaves two very young children with autism. I spent so long reading the messages that I really cut it close on getting ready for the funeral, and discovered...

that even with clean underwear, I had no clothes clean that were appropriate to wear to a funeral. I generally live in jeans or sweats, with tee shirts. I have two denim jumpers that I love. Denim wouldn't have been my first choice for a funeral, but it didn't matter -- none of the tops I wear under the jumpers were clean.

It's summer here in the desert; the clothes I have that would have been appropriate for the setting would not have been appropriate for the weather. Last summer I gave away virtually all of my church clothes. They really were too big, and unflattering. Then I gained weight.

So here I sit, with the clean laundry still in the dryer, tears running down my face. I missed my friend's son's funeral because of my disorganization. There was no room in my schedule to spare for learning of my other friend's death. And my kitchen is still unusable.

Things will get better. Things will look better. This, too, shall pass.

WHAT was I thinking? (World Trade Center)

I have enjoyed my Blockbuster Online subscription. I took full advantage of the Total Access feature, which allowed me to exchange a DVD at a local store for another movie, instead of mailing it back, but when they raised the price recently, I dropped to a plan without that feature.

Last week I returned my final DVD shipped while I had the exchange privilege. I wandered the store, considering which movie to choose for my last, hands-on, selection.

I saw World Trade Center on the shelf and rented it. What was I thinking?

I had intended to see this movie. I heard that it was very well done. My friends recommended it.

But that is not where I need to be mentally this week! I have stuff that urgently needs to be done. The last class of the current Cooking For Life session is today. I'm tired. Really tired.

Sigh. I may return the movie without even opening it.