Tina Turner redux ("We never do nothin' nice and easy.")

I planned ahead. Honest!

I outlined the script for my job application cooking demo last week. I speak better from an outline than I do from a full script.

I listed the tools and ingredients I needed and had them ready.

I worked Thursday, Friday and Saturday to figure out the lighting and the camera position. (That was in between doing laundry, dishes, etc.)

Also Thursday, Friday and Saturday I learned about shooting digital video. I experimented with my camera. The storage card included with the camera held only 16Mb -- no wonder I thought it could only record 15 seconds of video! I discovered that with my 128 Mb card the feature was actually useful. I also discovered the clips are stored in a format that can't be read on my computer. The current release of QuickTime requires a newer operating system than Win2000. In order to see my videos I have to upload them.

I created a YouTube account. I uploaded test clips. I varied the resolution. I varied the sound. I varied the camera position.

I cleared the island, which usually holds more than just my mixer. I cleared the refrigerator, which usually has library due date notices, the poison control center magnet and a magnetic shopping list. I cleared the shelf that contains my spice racks. It usually has all the spices that don't fit on the racks plus the clip-on lamp I use for food photography.

I planned my clothes. I planned my hair. I planned my makeup.

I was unable to finish the preparations on Saturday, so I started out today (Monday) behind schedule. I called my friend and asked to push back the time. She agreed, but had an appointment not much later.

She arrived, we put her camera on the tripod, we made a very short test clip, we added more light. The camera was getting confused by the intense sunlight shining through the blinds onto the white refrigerator behind me, so we figured out a way to block the light without being obvious. We shot another test clip and were happy with it.

I wanted to do a test run first, to review the script and check the timing and lights. My friend agreed. We started the dry run, with the camera rolling. Halfway through I stopped dead as I realized I had just cut my only lemon in half. The beans were in the food processor. I had totally forgotten about the test run. I had also just come to a complete stop in the middle of what was now my submission clip.

I continued, but was flustered. I babbled a little, then found my stride. Well, I thought I found my stride. The lemon hummus I was making usually requires two or three tablespoons of liquid to adjust the consistency. I was up to six and it was showing no signs of cooperating. At that point my friend asked when I was going to add the lemon juice.

The lemon juice. I had become so flustered about cutting the lemon that I forgot to add the juice. No wonder the hummus was the consistency of cement! I added the lemon juice and the hummus started to blend beautifully. I finished my presentation and served the wraps that I had prepared earlier, along with carrots and pita to dip in the new batch.

We ate our snacks while watching the replay on the camera. It was not five minutes long; it was fifteen. We were happy with it. My friend had to leave for her appointment before it finished. When it did I uploaded the file to my hard drive and started the upload to You Tube...

Which died. It seemed to be working, then it just stopped. I needed a break by then. I set the project aside, checked my email, paid some bills, played a computer game.

When I returned to YouTube to try again I noticed some text off to the side; it was a link to a different upload process for files more than 100Mb or for loading multiple files at once. That seemed like the solution to my problem until I followed the link. At the top of the next screen was a warning that files must be less than 1 GB and less than ten minutes. Oops!

I've sent a desperate letter to friends asking if they know anyone with the software and expertise to help me edit the clip down to ten minutes. We could delete some of our conversation, and we can definitely eliminate some of the two minutes that are drowned out by the food processor. I can shorten the segment following my discovery that this was the submission video, not the trial run, but I think I'll leave in the part where I looked straight at the camera and explained what had just happened.

But, just in case I can't edit the file, I need to go get some lemons. I'll get several this time. You never know....



Update: I just checked YouTube. After taking more than 30 minutes to upload, and about that to process the file, YouTube rejected the video for the length. I knew they would, but I had to try.