CT Scan, part 2

Well. That was anti-climactic.

I got to the hospital and used the valet parking. (That's so nice.) I found my way to the Registration desk and signed in. I was handed a "ComfortCall," which is a large electronic coaster similar to what you might be given when arriving at The Olive Garden on Friday evening.

In just a few minutes it was my turn. Registration took nearly 15 minutes. I had been thinking in terms of checking in for a blood test, but I was, in fact, checking into a hospital, one I'd never used before. Eventually they had copies and signatures and I had a wristband. They sent me off to Imaging.

I checked in at Imaging and was given a laminated, bright pink card with the number "35" on it. I seated myself in the waiting area. In a few minutes a motherly woman came out and handed me two pint bottles of "Barium Smoothie CT," one with a picture of mixed berries and the other with apples. She asked me to drink them and told me I would be taken at my appointment time of 3:00 pm. She told me to do my best. That was kind of ominous. She told me that I was free to use the restroom.

I opened the first bottle. It had the kind of inner seal with a flap that forms a "T" to help you get the seal off. When I pulled on it the flap separated from the seal. I tried the other bottle. As the woman came back past me I asked her to open the first bottle.

The stuff was thick and white. Really thick -- the straw stood up straight. A smoothie it wasn't.

I finished the first pint in three minutes. I took five minutes to get the next half-pint down. By then I had slid forward on the seat so that I could, essentially, straighten my digestive system. I was belching. I was uncomfortable. I did manage to finish the bottle, but the last half-pint took another ten minutes. By then I wasn't interested in doing any of the things I had taken to keep me occupied.

At about 2:50 the same woman came out to the waiting area with another patient. She saw me gathering my stuff and told me she'd be back after she cleaned up the room. It took just a few minutes.

I was expecting to change my clothes. (I had socks with me to keep my feet warm.) I was expecting a locker. I was expecting the test to take 20 to 30 minutes. I was expecting the machine to be big and bulky, like the MRI machine was.

She said, "You can put your things here" and indicated the top of a hamper. There was a big white metal ring, with a table at one side. The table had a sheet and pillow. She asked me to sit down.

I said, "I was expecting to change into a gown." She looked at my jeans and said, "No, just push your jeans down a little." Then she realized that it was a false fly, and there was no zipper, and I didn't even have to do that.

I lay down, then she covered with a blanket and put me a large pillow under my knees to help my back.

(More later....)